


My Life Would Fall Apart Without You

by SphericallyAdept



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: M/M, shameless domestic fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-11
Updated: 2016-04-11
Packaged: 2018-06-01 17:23:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6529189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SphericallyAdept/pseuds/SphericallyAdept
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All live-in couples have arguments. Hisoka and Illumi are no different.</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Life Would Fall Apart Without You

**Author's Note:**

> Written as a birthday present for ryou-hxh!

The house really was quite nice to look at.

 

The two-story, gothic abode was not very large, but what it lacked in grandeur, it made up for in elegance. Dark ivy crept up the weathered stone of the back wall, shielding it from what little afternoon sun made it through the canopy if the large oak in the yard. The peaked roof was slated with black tiles, mossy from years of exposure. What timber peeked out from beneath the awning of the roof looked hearty and hale despite its age. Intricately carved trellises rimmed the doors and windows. Everything from the architecture to the detailing harkened back to a simpler age where beauty was not yet sacrificed for utility. 

 

Though Hisoka preferred the hustle and bustle of more urban settings, he had let Illumi pick their residence because it was with much trial and tribulation the sages of old finally concluded “happy wife, happy life” (or considering their situation, “happy mate, happy fate”) and Hisoka was not one for challenging tried-and-true wisdom. The location was not ideal but he counted himself lucky that the house was on the power grid and had been renovated enough to accommodate the wonders of modern plumbing.

 

When he stopped to think about it, Hisoka could understand why Illumi had picked the ancient, secluded house. While it wasn't as isolated or as imposing as the Zoldyck manor, it did emanate a similar reclusively dangerous vibe. It didn’t take a genius to see that the house reminded the oldest Zoldyck child of home, and Hisoka was not enough of an asshole to deny Illumi that small comfort. 

 

That being said, the antique charm of the house came with the unfortunate side effect of everything in it being antique. Coupled with Illumi's pampered upbringing and inhuman strength, the worn state of the furnishings and fixtures spelled trouble for Hisoka in ways he never would have anticipated.  

 

It had all started when the dry heat of summer gave away to the wet relief of the rainy season and the roof began to leak. Thanks to the dutiful construction of the old roof, there was only one leak: a slow but incessant dripping in the upstairs guestroom that could be easily caught with a bucket. 

 

Hisoka said as much when Illumi began complaining that the water would ruin the floorboards. The magician even took the initiative of digging through the cluttered attic to find a bucket just for that purpose. 

 

But temporary solutions, no matter how effective, were simply not good enough for Illumi. Thus began a long and futile argument during which Hisoka discovered the apple really didn’t fall far from the tree, and besides learning manipulation from her, Illumi also appeared to have inherited Kikyou’s penchant for nagging in full.  

 

The assassin was also very adept at finding things to complain about. The water was no longer pooling on the floor but the dripping sound was annoying, the ceiling was doing to get discolored, someone was going to have to watch the bucket to make sure it didn’t overflow but he wanted to go to bed, the list went on and on. After a good ten minutes of-- for lack of a better term-- petulant whining, Hisoka had caved and shot a string of Bungee Gum to seal the crack in the ceiling. 

 

Illumi had shut up immediately and Hisoka had been so relieved that he hadn’t questioned it further. 

 

Thinking back on it though, it more than likely that that was what Illumi had in mind all along.

 

That single act of appeasement set an unpleasant precedent that Hisoka would find hard to shake. Over the next few months, any time something broke around the old house, he was tasked to fix it. The exchanges always went the same way. Illumi would find something he wasn’t pleased with or accidentally destroy something, and then he’d complain about it with single-minded determination until it was fixed. 

 

With each new request, Hisoka found himself giving in sooner and sooner, until Illumi barely had to badger him at all. 

 

Eventually the magician became so pliant that Illumi stopped making his requests in person. 

 

More than once, Hisoka would wake to find an empty bed and a demanding note. 

 

_ Hisoka, the shower won’t stop dripping.  _

 

_ Hisoka, the storm knocked down the lantern by the front door. _

 

_ Hisoka, I pushed the gate off the wall again. I'm still not used to them being so light. _

 

The notes never explicitly told him to fix anything but the nasty fit Illumi had thrown the first and only time Hisoka put off a task was enough to ensure that Hisoka never made the same mistake again. 

 

And really, the requests weren’t that bad, Hisoka rationalized as he applied two pink blobs of nen to the handle of Illumi’s favorite mug before carefully sticking it back on the body of mug. He had enough money squirreled away in secret accounts to buy a small island, but Illumi had insisted on paying for the house by himself. The bills they split evenly between them but those barely amounted to anything compared to the cost of the property. And while Hisoka was no slacker, Illumi’s employment was more regular and demanding. 

 

Nothing about a relationship between two psychotic killers was normal but Hisoka was nothing if not a supportive partner. If that meant he did more of the housekeeping, then so be it. 

 

His willingness to be a manservant ebbed and flowed with the time of of day, though, and it was definitely bone-dry at three in the morning.

 

“Hisoka.” 

 

Hisoka kept his eyes shut and didn't move. Maybe if he feigned sleep obstinately enough, Illumi would get the message and leave him be. His hopes were dashed when a cold hand gripped his shoulder, shaking him none too gently. 

 

“ _ Hisoka.”  _

 

Hisoka squeezed his eyes shut tighter. Whatever was rubbing Illumi's hair the wrong way could wait til morning. 

 

Illumi, being the go-getter that he was, was not taking ‘no’ for an answer. With a well-aimed jab to the sensitive spot between Hisoka's shoulder blades, he sent the magician scrambling out of bed very much awake and cursing up a storm _.  _

 

“Goddamn it Illumi, what the hell is  _ wrong _ with you? Did you really have to use your claws?” Hisoka exclaimed as he contorted his arm to rub the shallow but painful wound.  

 

“If you’d gotten up the first two times I called, I wouldn’t have.” Illumi replied from his cocoon of blankets, unfazed. In the darkness of the bedroom, he looked unnervingly like one of those vengeful Asian ghost from the horror movies he liked so much. His pitch black eyes stood out like dark holes in his pale face, half-lidded in annoyance. 

 

Hisoka rolled his eyes. “What do you want?” he sighed in defeat.

 

“There's a draft coming in from the window. I’m cold.” 

 

“The window’s always been drafty. You’ve never complained about it before.” 

 

“Well, it was summer, and now, it’s not.” Illumi replied scornfully , as though speaking to a particularly demented child. 

 

“Yeah? Well what do you want me to do about it? I can’t control the weather.” Hisoka bit back, temper flaring again.

 

Now it was Illumi’s turn to roll his eyes, and he did so with such self-righteousness that Hisoka almost felt like he was the one being unreasonably demanding at three in the morning rather than the other way around. “You tell everyone that will listen about how your nen has the properties of both rubber and gum. Either one will suffice in this situation.”

 

Hisoka grasped at his hair with both hands and took a deep, calming, breath to steady himself. 

 

“Fine. I'll seal your stupid window,” he said, crossing the room in four large steps, “But just so you know, I'm done being your slave. You can either show some gratitude or shell out and hire someone else next time you need someone to pull the stick out of your ass.” With a few quick swipes of his arm, he left behind four wide stripes of Bungee gum, gluing the glass panes to their frames. 

 

Illumi watched in silence as Hisoka then stalked angrily out of their shared bedroom, presumably to sleep in the guest bed. With a huff, he quashed the wriggling guilt in his chest and laid back down to sleep. Hisoka’s words burned in his mind but he had to get up early for a tricky public assassination in the morning. He’d think about it tomorrow.

 

The house smelled uncharacteristically of coffee when Hisoka woke the following morning. Following his nose, he quickly located the source of the smell: a tall mug of coffee cooling in the kitchen counter. Though the coffee appeared black, a careful sip revealed that it was sweetened to the point of saturation, just the way he liked it. Since it was already lukewarm, Hisoka threw back his head and downed the sweet liquid in a few large gulps. When he went to rinse the mug out in the sink, he noted that Illumi's favorite mug was also sitting in the sink. He couldn't help but chuckle at Illumi's transparent attempt to make his apologetic action look like an afterthought. Everyone and their mother knew that the Zoldycks didn't drink coffee. Caffeine was every bit as ineffectual for members of the assassin family as cyanide. 

 

The rest of the day passed rather uneventfully. The tip about Chrollo’s latest whereabouts turned out to be a dead end but HIsoka wasn't too mad about that. After three years of fruitless searching, the hunt for the spider boss had become more of a task of habit rather than a burning ambition. 

 

He wiled away the rest of the afternoon reading click bait articles speculating about giant insects and unknown continents. With every news article, the home of the Chimera ants was looking more and more interesting. It had been a while since he and Illumi had taken a vacation together. Where better to go than the uncharted lands beyond the edge of the world? He made a mental note to bring it up the next time Illumi had a lull between jobs.

 

Around six in the evening, Hisoka prepared a simple dinner using the chicken they had in the freezer, and set aside a plate for Illumi in case he was hungry when he returned from his job. 

 

He was sitting on the couch deep in thought about when he heard the door open, announcing Illumi's return. There was some rustling and the opening and closing of the closet door as Illumi stowed his coat. Remembering their altercation from the previous night, Hisoka opted to ignore the assassin until the he made a move.  

 

He couldn't exactly ignore the long ebony hair spilling into his lap or the warm lips kissing their way up his neck though. 

 

Hisoka’s lips cracked into a smile as Illumi’s ministrations grew more insistent and he acquiesced, wrapping a lock of the glossy hair around his knuckles to gently tug Illumi in for a proper kiss. His smile grew into a salacious grin when they pulled apart and he finally got a look at Illumi, or more specifically, at what Illumi was  _ wearing.  _

 

“My, my, what do we have here?” Hisoka purred as he ghosted his fingers up the assassin’s bare hip to trace at the leather straps crisscrossing Illumi’s muscled torso in tasteful geometric patterns. 

 

“Gratitude.” Illumi replied, smirking. His head lolled back in pleasure as Hisoka’s hands feathered up his sides before brushing across his hardened nipples, sending a trill of pleasure down to his nether regions. He followed Hisoka’s movements lazily with his eyes as the magician gracefully flipped over the couch back of the couch. He let out a pleased gasp as Hisoka snaked an arm around his waist, pulling him in to press their bodies flush against each other.

 

“I take it this means you won’t be turning to outside help for your needs?” Hisoka murmured as he nuzzled the smooth silk of Illumi's hair. 

 

“The hiring process for a Zoldyck employee is really long.” Illumi tipped his head back to grant Hisoka better access to the sensitive column of his neck. “And if anybody’s going to do anything to my ass, I’d prefer it be you.” 

 

HIsoka’s breath tickled against his ear as the magician laughed and reached down to give said ass a playful squeeze. “We’d better go upstairs then, because you're not going to be able to walk for a week after I'm done with you.”

 

Illumi raised an eyebrow but allowed himself to be pulled towards the stairs. “What if we break the bed?”

 

Hisoka let out a barking laugh as he realized Illumi’s play. “My dear princess,” he teased as he pulled Illumi back in, pressing their foreheads together, “be it your bed or your heart, there’s nothing that I can’t fix with my Elastic Love so don't you worry about a thing.” 

**Author's Note:**

> No porn this time haha
> 
> Hope you enjoyed reading it anyways~ Let me know what you think by leaving a comment here or come talk to me at http://sphericallyadept.tumblr.com/


End file.
